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Engrish anyone?



This one wasn’t so much funny as it was… painful. As is usually the cause of one of these people emailing me, this person was banned back in August 02 for using derogatory language on my server. This one wasn’t so much stupid, like the others, as he was just ignorant. He just didn’t understand what was going on.
But as you will see this one doesn’t take much commenting on after the fact, The only real interesting thing to note, is actually things I said. As I wrote more with this person, you can actually notice changes in my writing and mood. I started off sarcastic as usual, expecting another idiot. It then turned to frustration and more sarcasm with the person, mutated into disbelief, and then even pity. Read on, and you’ll probably understand why.

y i got bannded from happyland me new to server and i? about what happened and that map making thing how u do that? user name ******* banned today for ? reasons?

Well.. I guess you can see where this one was heading… right down the shitter. But as you will see below, I tried to find out how well he actually speaks English, before I started to tear apart his writing.

Hrm. Well, i'm going to attempt to decipher your message here.
If english is not a primary, or a well known, language to you, i apologize for any thing i may say that would be demeaning to your lack of knowledge in that particular area. If it is then... well quite frankly your gonna need to get back into the whole "proof reading" gig real fast. I normally do not even bother with emails this bad, but im in a good mood. Consider yourself lucky.
From what i can tell, you were banned from my tribes server named "HAPPYLAND", you wish to know why and you seem to also want information on some map making thing.

Well, i can help you with the first part. You, unlike most people, are at least competent enough to give me the name you use ingame so we can discuss matters a bit more intelligently. Unfortunately, you also chose not to read the ban message, or ignored it. I will restate it for you. You were banned for the use of derogatory language. My logs picked out you using an excessive amount of this language, and as a result, i have banned you until you atone for your sins. You were logged saying, and thus were banned for saying:

$ExportThis::103 = "******* at IP: ******* says***: gay";
$ExportThis::104 = "******* at IP: ******* says***: gay lag";
$ExportThis::114 = "******* at IP: ******* says***: this gay";
$ExportThis::115 = "******* at IP: ******* says***: gay";
$ExportThis::138 = "******* at IP: ******* says***: gay";

It is for this reason you were banned.

As for your other request about the maps, you are either asking about where you can get the mappack, which can be obtained at
http://www.freewebs.com/tocommand/frames.htm
or you are asking if you could help map maps for the tourny. Unfortunately, I'm not sure which one you were going for. If i find you were asking about the latter, then i can fill you in. But you probably are going to want to get off the ban list first.



thank u and sorry about tht word i dont know much about that server and when i went to the website of makingmaps it had some kind of log in thing and i got ? any way thank u for un banding me

Unfortunately, he didn’t actually let me know if he spoke English well or not, and it caused quite a few problems down the road.

Never said anything about unbanning you....



so much for fun. i did say sorry or opps after i say the word but i am unhappy to know that I am still banned. can u Unband Me plz? 1 of them is aout the lag which keep happening to that day where the server keep going down. the others were sqwan kills which people did and the rest i just got mad. so much for look around at your website thing. i am just getting bored of just trying to get u to unband me. so areu going to un band me or not.

My frustration begins to mount.

Hrm. I have a feeling you don't actually know WHY you were banned... do you actually thing it was because you said some "naughty" words? Give me a break buddy... asking me nicely, or even *begging* me, to take you off the ban list is completely futile on your part. That shows no growth at all. You were banned for the simple reason that i do NOT allow derogatory language on my server, and that i do not even want the Bigots that spout said comments on the server at all. You, apparently by the looks of the logs, have NO problem saying such things when you get "angry" or when someone "spawn kills." And i have a problem with that. Thus, you do not get to play. If you would like to change your positioning and thought process, then maybe we can work something out. But i have a feeling that any suggestion i make to you are not going to work very well.



o so u want me to ask/beg say so earlyer. so far i am happy today caue i did not have some funny trouble finding my classes so may I ask. plz remove me off the banded list yesterday i attemped to e-mail u again but computr went nut.
hum i do know y i got banned andi did not use that word anymore in your server or in any of my letter knowing that u hate that kind of words. in most the only time i say that word is when offesive turrent is set of i get stuck in a a crack or something in your server. snice i get stuck all the time. and spwaning takes time. the time i get to playing is low. and as to whati remember the map i say those words were porkchop hill. or somethng like that and invo isfar away so i have to walk there is long. reson why i say {thw word} if u know.
happy and fun to type i am glad to say sorry about the word. dont know y u hate those words that much but i am sorry that it was siad in your server.

time i show u how i am sorry. hummmmmmmmmmm let me think how should i say sorry? i did not know about how. but now i do. sorry in ever way about that word hope u would forgive me of this sin is this the word. but i am happy to say that i am soory and plz unban me with a cerry on top. is this how u say it. sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry. if u can find out y i keep getting stuck on buildings can u tell me if i do get unbanned so i do know y i get stuck and so i can be happy. and wont say that word. if i do say that plz inform me to remind me. and i will tell u y i said it ok. plz respond as sone a possible so i can play in your server. other than that i have to do some typing pratice. bye

sigh *********** who is sorry and happy to say i am sorry
dont mind if i had so bad typing ok bye

Apparently, I hadn’t had a great day when I read his email either.

If you would like to repeat any of that in english, i would be happy to listen. Otherwise, dont bother sending me emails with such horrific writing, and despicable grammar; I dont pay attention to those.




Dear death knight

It is to my knowledge that I was banned for using "naugthy" words. The fact that you don't like that kind of words is fine with me. i respect what oter people thinks and i know you dilike that kind of word so i will not say any kind of word that i know that will offend you in anyway if you dont like "bad words of any kind said in your server say so. On the loading I suggest you say that so other people won't redo the same trouble i went to. Learning that that kind of word a head of time in your server would be nice to other people and me. My knowledge of your server before I was banned was unknow. plz unband me so I can not say "bad words" in your server. I now know that that kind of word is not allow in your server. I'm am sorry that i did not think ahead of time that kind of word is not allowed in your server. I'm sorry for the sin I have and I wish you forgive the si

sign ********

This letter, being more readable, made me think that he actually is fine with English, and just doesn’t give a shit unless someone makes him care.

Here's a tip for you: Putting "Dear so-and-so" at the beginning, and "Signed so-and-so" at the end (which you even manged to fuck up) doesn't fix all the spelling errors, grammar errors, and lack of punctuation that your writing contains. Luckily for you, im able to actually decipher most of this one.
First off, as i said before, you were NOT banned for using "naughty" words. You were banned for the use of derogatory language, which tells me that you are a Bigot. I do not like Bigots, and do not want them on my server.
Second off, why would i put up a sign telling people to try and mask what they say? The point of the system is to weed out people like you that find nothing wrong with saying such things. If i was "nice" and had a nice neat little sign for you people, then i would still have you on my server now wouldn't i? After all, should that apply to every second of your life? I mean, if you have to make sure to watch what you say when you go certain places so that your racist/derogatory attitude doesnt slip out in front of the wrong person, then you got a lot more troubles then just not being able to play on my server.



suggestion? k i am listening
in one of the letter (you said u fucked up) as in me. derogitory lauage? what is that. many things i can.t change if i dont know what that is need to change. also your said I am raciest but i am not i am a regarly person who gets mad the word i said was gay. and it was said all on the same day. that day was the day the server keep going down. I dont insult other people. i was insulting the computer the way i died. It was bored. and computer is not so great. I was not insulting other people i was insulting the actions i made and a object that is mine. If you thing i was insulting people. no i was not if i was insulting people would i say the word gay. if derogitory is when you insult people k i do care. if i insulted someone i would have to say his or her name. if derogitory is just the word. if someone say I am gay 5 or more times they would be kicked too right? I am asking you in a nice way to unband me from your server. i am sorry and every one make mistakes. i bet you do to. I am just asking f

Banking on my previous thoughts, I decided he was just a plain idiot, and has reverted back to being stupid and annoying. So I took some initiative.

Why don't you go buy a dictionary and LOOK UP the words you don't know.....
If you do not know a word that i use, it is of no fault of mine. And just so you know, by USING derogatory language, you DO insult people, no matter if the overhead insult you used was directed at someone or not... thats the point... by using derogatory language, you insult MANY people at once, and you do so in such a way that makes you look like your a proud member of the KKK. Now then.. for the last time, if you do not make your emails more readable, i will once again ignore them, and you will have no chance of every playing again.

He didn’t take it very well.


dear deathknight/jesus for the last time

hey first you insulted my writing and you said insulting is bad. now you call me a kkk fan! playing or not you insulted me a little to much what the hell. I e-mailed you in a friendly way you respond 3 out of five in a bad way. you sound like a person who judge people a little to fast. first of all I can not say the things i want to say in the right way. but i do know gay is insulting. but i do not know it can insult many people. I suck are writing i do admit. let me just say this I WAS NOT INSULTING ANYONE AT THAT TIME. IF I WAS I WOULD HAVE. i had no intendtion of insulting any one ok. gete the point ok. i am not insulting anyone i am not racist i am not a person who insult people. but i do insult objects and actions i do ok. can me a ga fucker i find it fine as long as it is something you said because i did something wrong. if they keep saying it like they wont shut up than i get mad ok then. some one said many bad things in your server but i did not find it bad but you find it bad ok. if you can't forgnsulting people ok. this may be the last time i want to email you ok cause what i am trying to do is point less. why should i worry so much about i cant do and worry about what i can do ok. and for the last time I AM NOT INSULTING ANYONE OK GET IT TO YOUR HEAD I AM NOT INSULTING ANYONE. i may not be good as writing but atleast i dont insult people like the way u do.


bye mean guy sigh someone who is not happy/******* who so far is getting bored of trying.

bye ok time i am wasting is alot and i dont want that to happen ok. bye for the last time most likly and dam you for wasting my time trying to unband my self for something I know was wrong and i did say sorry for. so bye to someone who is called jesus/ a guy who died cause world was messed.

I had a good day, and realizing that he was somewhat angry, I took it upon myself to explain in full his situation. Unfortunately the more I wrote, the more I had to read of his writing, and the more I got annoyed. As a result, my letter degraded into some quibbling.

Well... tell ya what. Im a nice guy, so im gonna try and help you again realize what you don't understand, so as to fix this problem that may become chronic for you in the future.
I did not INSULT your writing, or, that at least was not the intention. I was bringing to your attention that i could not UNDERSTAND what you had written, and was requesting that you make the information you were trying to convey clearer before i would be able to respond appropriately.
I did not CALL you a KKK member, i mearly stated that your ignorance of what you were doing makes you LOOK "like your a proud member of the KKK," and i did it so as to make clear the situation to you, and how you were appearing, by providing an exagerated example, as you were obviously getting the wrong message, (and which you still are).
I did not respond "in a bad way" to your messages, you mearly looked upon my efforts to make you a better human (or determine if you were already lost and thus not someone i want to have on my server) as a negative action.
"but i do know gay is insulting" This statement of yours, completely outlines the whole problem. You think the word gay, or the life of being gay is INSULTING. THAT is the problem. THAT is where your being derogitory, and THAT is why YOU are being insulting to those who ARE homosexual.
"I suck are writing i do admit. " You can change this with but little effort.. for instance, being aware that i cannot read your previous letters, (i assume) you attempted to make this one more understandable; and it is! I can actually read it and understand it (most of it)! All you got to do is run a grammar/spell check over it, but most importantly is just READ it over to yourself. Doing it outloud would help the most, but doing it internally would improve it by mammoth proportions.
You mean you did not THINK you were insulting anyone. But you WERE insulting MANY people. THAT is the problem. THAT is what you dont realize.
Hrm and.. you should probably look into that. People get put away for long periods of time in order to get "better" when others see them insulting, swaring, getting mad, or otherwise talking to inanimate objects.
"can me a ga fucker i find it fine as long as it is something you said because i did something wrong." that statement.. i wasnt able to catch.
"if you can't forgnsulting people ok." Didnt catch that one either. The stuff between the two seemed like usless, repetitious rambling with no bearing, so i wont spend time recommenting on it.
More repetition... and a sentence with two oddly linked unrelated topics, that seems to be there for a little ego boost on your own part while tearing down someone else (which would be considered an insult unfortunately, which makes that statment invalid).
"bye mean guy sigh someone who is not happy/******* who so far is getting bored of trying." not sure if that was saying good bye to me, good bye to yourself, or if it was saying good bye with a "signature."
"bye for the last time most likly and dam you for wasting my time trying to unband my self "
Well damn you to, and have a nice day!
"so bye to someone who is called jesus/ a guy who died cause world was messed" and is that supposed to be some sort of threat? you should be careful with things like that.. people get arrested and thrown in jail for making death threats.

Well.. anywho, i hope this helps you understand the situation this time, as opposed to the other times when you.. didnt... eh.. cant say i didnt try.

He took it a lot better then I thought he would, although he may not have understood that I was being heavily sarcastic at the end.

try to read this I tryed my best so you can read it.

Dear DeathKnight


I am not insulting you but you must understand that sending letters and they get throw back at me and not read makes me unhappy. Thanks anyway for say you can read it for once. I'm just not happy that you can't understand what I am trying to say. lets just say I was insulting them for now ok. I am sorry that i insulted you in anyway but my intendtion was not to insult any of you but to instead insult the way i lag and get stuck all the time. this is the sorry for them ok. First of all I dont want to sound like a kkk member. All I know they were very racist about jewish people. If you cant understand what I am writing ok. but I dont use e-mail much. e-mail is new to me and dont know where is the grammer check and spelling check is so I can't check with the computer. this is to get it clear that the gammar and stuff I no good at and can not check witi computer cause I dont know how. When i said" the guy who tryed to say the messed world. sorry about the l

Dear Deathknigh

not too long later, he emailed me with a follow up. (Note, the “Dear Deathknigh” did appear at the end of the last one.)


Dear Deathknigh

forgot to add somethng to last letter. the word gay is insulting but the way I was trying to say it was basicly trying to say you are a cheap selfish son of a gun who dont care about others. I like your server but it tend to get bad when when i get stuck in the wrong places. in addition to my problem of getting stuck the server have lots of tks all over the place. (my thinking of tk is there own way of shooting people behind back for selfish fun) any way i was wrong. say gay in front of people and not say this. dam it i got stuck again or dam fucking tker(this is to insult the tker and only him for his selfsih actions) so i was wrong and I am sorry for what i did. so far the meaning of y i got banned is a word that is racist and very insulting right. correct me if i am wrong.
Sigh: *******

I was at this point taken aback by his efforts, and finally had it click that my original estimation was probably correct. So I decided to try and find out once and for all.

Uhh... well.. hrm... These letters are.... somewhat readable.. but it takes a shitload of effort to get through.... I'm gonna ask a question here, and I'm gonna need to respond truthfully...
What is your primary language?
The only other thing on this topic is... did you read it before you sent it? Just reading it ONCE over outloud, EXACTLY as it is written will show prettymuch.. all the errors to the normal human that is proficient in English (i.e. has achieved around a sixth grade reading level.. but even younger then that really..)

Other then that.. ill try to respond to the rest of the content of the emails.
"All i know they were very racist about jewish people." Well... the KKK as it existed in the past, AND STILL EXISTS TODAY (just wanted to make sure your up todate on current history..) do not like anyone that is not... them.. really.. They are generally of a W.A.S.P (white, anglo-saxon, protestant) decent. And if you are not, they probably are not going to like you. Their most hated groups do include jewish people, but also those of african decent, asian decent, those of a homosexual orientation, and.. well anyone else. Thats just a bit of information for your own personal knowledge.

Not using e-mail much, or being new to e-mail is not the reason for your poor writing skills; the reason is because of.. well poor writing skills. As for the spellcheck and grammar, it completely depends on what email service one uses. Some have spellcheck, and others don't. But what you should do is just write your messages in Microsoft Word if you are on a Microsoft Windows Operating System. That has a spellcheck and a grammarcheck (although they both are quite bad.).

"this is to get it clear that the gammar and stuff I no good at" - Well, sorry to be the bearer of bad news kido but.. unless you can communicate with people, both in person and in writing, your arnt gonna get ANYWHERE in life... so you better start learning and trying ASAP.
Rest of that first letter.. i didnt catch.

The second letter is a GREAT example of why you were banned, yet again... You see, you just DONT understand what the hell is going on.... Ive tried... quite a few damned ways to GET you to understand, but you either CANT understand, or you wont LET yourself understand... for example..
"the word gay is insulting" - NO. That is completely wrong! That is exactly what im trying to get you to realize!! Being gay;, the word gay; using word gay; NONE of that is "wrong" or "insulting." What is insulting is when you say things LIKE THAT.
"the way I was trying to say it was basicly trying to say you are a cheap selfish son of a gun who dont care about others." - Again! The main point! Right here! You are trying to explain this statement to someone, or something... by saying they are "gay!" That is saying that being gay or homosexual, is WRONG, or INSULTING, or NEGATIVE! That is the whole POINT. It ISNT. When you say things like that, YOU are being DEROGITORY! YOU are being INSULTING.
"so far the meaning of y i got banned is a word that is racist and very insulting right. " You ARE wrong, and thats what ive been trying to explain to you in almost EVERY letter ive sent to you.
Thats about it.. there.. isnt really much else i can say to get you to realize what your problem is.

I didn’t really know how to explain it better to him. I tried a few different approaches, but none had worked. This was about the last I could do for him before I gave up.

As a result, he had more misunderstanding thus better reinforcing my theory.

Dear deathknigh

In the last letter you asked me what race i am. I am asian. I never knew that the kkk people still here in present time. You also asked me did i read out loud to myself the last letter I sent and I did. you said that gay is not insult and is alright to say? So i think what you are trying to say is dont say gay to other people. and use it only the meaning that the word gay when your trying to say what the word gay mean and sont use it to represent another word? I dont understand some of what you are trying to say but i make the most of it cause I have time. And i think i got this word gay from this racist guy that I knew before the summer started.

Sigh *******

Suddenly I got an idea!

I did not ask what race you were... such knowledge would be usless to me. I asked what your primary language is.
Anyway.. i'm quite sorry, but your gonna have to do some deep thinking, because as of yet, i am not convinced you really know what the problem is. I've explained it many times, in different ways, and i still don't think its catching on. I'm gonna try it one more time though...
Heres an example of something derogatory. This example most certainly does not reflect my opinions, and i do not condone those who hold this opinion, as the purpose of the statement will probably be made clear.
"You’re so Asian.. what the hell is wrong with you. You’re so stupid. I wish you stupid chinks would go away."
As i hope you notices, that is... highly offensive.. (on a side note, i.. really did not enjoy writing that). The point of it is is this: that statement, if said at someone, may be used to INSULT the person, but infact it insults MANY people. It is a derogatory statement. First off, the statement openly calls its target "Your so asian." Even if it stopped there, it would be pretty hard to turn it into something positive. But saying something like that, or saying something that is similarly derogatory, but with a different group of people "Your gay" should make the point clearer. By saying it, you are trying to INSULT someone, and thus, are saying that, in this case, there is something negative about asian people. Thus you are insulting ALL asian people. Then of course, the second part "what the hell is wrong with you. Your so stupid." just reenforces what the person was trying to represent by saying "asian" instead. The last part of course, is just an outright flag of racism, and probably explains itself. It is the same situation with what you said; something happened that you obviously didnt like, so you said "gay" as in response to it. You also said "this [is] gay" and "gay lag". Now lets try an experiment. Lets exchange the word "gay" with the word "asian." This is of course, only to make a point, and i use that because i hope you will understand it better.

Something bad happens, so in anger, you say "This [is] asian." Something else happens (you get spawn killed lets say), you say "asian." You get some nasty lag, so you say "this is asian lag."

Well.. i hope you get the point of it at long last. I certainly didnt like using those examples, but i am here to help after all.

Seemed to work, and everything was taken care of.

O i understand now. ok. i cant explain it on trpying but i do understand what you are tring to say. so the word offends a group? so i understand most of it. but some is still a little fuzzy. the examples helpand i do find them offending if they were said to me ,but it was nice that you had made me understand what you are trying to say a lot better. well thanks for this lesson on the words you hate. tribes no intrest me now. So i just wander around i internet games. but so far the only server i like is yours. But i dont mind if i dont get unbanned but i just want to under stand this kind of word a bit more. Thanks for he help. coming to think of it you are a nice guy. trying to help people understand things better.
Are you a teacher?

Out of pitty, and hope that he did really understand what had happened and why it was wrong, I actually took him off the list.

No, i am not a teacher. You have been removed from the banlist.

For once, I had a happy (and not just hilarious) ending to a series of emails. And best of all, I was free from trying to read these painful messages. Or so I though…


dear jesus

hello again. I am ******* requesting a banding of *******. he did his crimes at 5:00 pm he stole 1 of my planes by shootting my to death and he shot 2 of my loaded planes and destored them and tked me 2 times. plz band him for what he did. Is the user name of the person all you need? tell me if you want more info of this person that i can tell u


sigh *******

It generated a simple response on the surface, although underneath it was designed to never have him message me again…

I don't ban people for those things. Furthermore, I technically have no proof of the situation besides what you say, which is not nearly enough for any court conviction. If I see such things, and I am on, then it would result in a swift kick.

So far, so good.

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